


osamu's guide to speedrunning the stages of grief

by kaumari



Series: ad astra per aspera [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Atsumu Tiktok Agenda, Background Relationships, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou - Freeform, SUNAOSA WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SNEAK IN HERE BUT, i guess, sunaosa are domestic, what can i tag without spoiling the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaumari/pseuds/kaumari
Summary: Osamu is a good brother. A great brother, a much better brother than Atsumu if they were competitive about it (they are). And because Osamu is such a wonderful brother, he decides he has to fight Kita for Atsumu's pitiful honor, despite the unanimous agreement that he will surely perish.At least Rintarou will give him a decent eulogy.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Series: ad astra per aspera [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971127
Comments: 14
Kudos: 165





	osamu's guide to speedrunning the stages of grief

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT'S UP sorry for this fic it makes very little sense and it's mostly just for laughs, i don't have the mental capacity for profound thoughts rn (_ _|||)
> 
> had this idea while talking to goob so if she reads this: yes this is exactly what you're thinking of. credits to her for some of suna's lines, i had to include them!

Osamu’s day had been going great, truly. Preparations for the opening of the Tokyo branch were going well, his current manager was helping to make sure everything ran smoothly at the Osaka branch, and Suna had told him he’d be coming over to Osaka for a week for their mandatory break. Wonderful news all around, so he’d had little reason to expect everything to go south with only a notification pop-up.

If it ever reached Atsumu’s ears that Osamu had his notifications on for both his Twitter and Tiktok, he’d never hear the end of it. It would be held over his head for the rest of his life, knowing how Atsumu takes every opportunity to remind Osamu how much he _doesn’t_ hate him. But, all brotherly quarrels aside, he had to admit Atsumu lived an entertainingly disastrous life, and he could always count on him to declare every one of them to the anonymous masses of followers on his platforms. Every so often, his tweets or videos actually manage to make him laugh.

It’s a notification from Tiktok this time, and Osamu opens the app expecting another dramatic rendition of whatever chaos Hinata or Bokuto had caused, or the hilarious misunderstanding Tomás had gotten into thanks to his grade school Japanese. When it loads, he’s immediately thrown off by the thumbnail of the loading video. All it shows is the ceiling of Atsumu’s bedroom, with only the dim standing lamp in the corner of his room on to provide light. It’s just bright enough to catch the tears on Atsumu’s face. The video plays, and the text that appears on the screen only says “I don’t have a boyfriend anymore :(.“

### ENTERING STAGE 1: immediate denial.

It had to be a joke, right? Atsumu is good at crying on demand, even if he rarely does anymore, but that’s only because he got with Kita. And Kita wouldn’t break his brother’s heart, they’re so sickeningly in love to makes him gag sometimes. But the video doesn’t have a twist for him: it ends and replays the exact same clip.

He has to put his phone aside and tip his head back to stare at the ceiling. Kita broke Atsumu’s heart. There’s no other explanation, he thinks hysterically. Kita broke up with Atsumu. He has to put his head in his hands and rub at his cheeks, trying to slap some semblance of coherence into his head. Shock clings to his thoughts like static, and every thought is punctuated with this new knowledge. It’s weird that Osamu wasn’t the first Atsumu texted about this, seeing as they both consider Kita to be one of the most important people in their lives, but he won’t begrudge Atsumu’s coping mechanisms.

Osamu stops moving, a deer in the headlights of his latest revelation. If Kita broke up with Atsumu, he’s going to have to fight him. He’ll have to fight Kita, his rice supplier and local buff farmer, and his chances of victory have never looked worse. But it’s the principle of the matter.

That doesn’t mean he can’t preemptively plan his own funeral.

### ENTERING STAGE 2: slow-burning anger with imminent overflow.

His doorbell rings two hours later, accompanied by a text from Rintarou saying he’s outside, which is a redundancy Osamu isn’t willing to argue about right now. Rintarou takes one look at him and frowns.

“Why d’ya look like someone just told you they cut into their meat right after takin’ it off the grill?” Osamu feels his expression twist into disgust imagining it, and Rintarou nods slowly. “Ok, so not quite cuttin’ meat right after grillin’ it. How about underseasonin’?” His expression drifts back to an approximation of what it was before—some mixture of horror and resignation that had a touch of sadness for what could’ve been. Rintarou hums.

“I don’t get why you insist on usin’ that,” Osamu gripes, stepping aside to allow him to enter. “It doesn’t even make sense.”

“Yer not the one seein’ how disgusted yer face gets if I even mention a bad cookin’ habit.” Rintarou stretches leisurely, arms above his head and back arched, long enough to hear a crack come from somewhere in his spine. “So are ya gonna spill before or after dinner?”

“What makes ya think I have dinner for ya?”

“‘Cause yer love language is food or somethin’ like that, and I’m starvin’.”

“Which wouldn’t be a problem if ya would just eat somethin’ on the way here.” Osamu’s heart isn’t this petty argument, one he repeats with his boyfriend every single time he visits because he wants him to take care better care of himself. He’s still thinking about the video, and he knows Rintarou can tell he wants to drop the whole conversation because he wordlessly takes his place at the table. His eyebrows rise pointedly when he sees it’s already set for two. “Shut up. Tell me about yer day.”

“How am I supposed to do both?” Osamu kicks Rintarou’s leg under the table. “Ow, alright, no need to be so violent. Same old, same old, but Komori made a scene at practice when—”

“—Let me guess, when he got himself stuck in the ball cart.” Osamu dunks his potatoes in the soy sauce and shoves it into his mouth, and Rintarou’s chopsticks clack against each other as he puts them down.

“Alright, whatever this is, it’s botherin’ ya, and I don’t really wanna eat when yer gonna be huffin’ the whole time.”

“I’m not huffin’,” Osamu mumbles around his potatoes. Rintarou’s eyes narrow and he caves. “D’ya think I could take Kita-san in a fight?”

He’s quiet for a minute. “Yer mad ‘cause ya wanted ta know who would win in a fight between ya two?”

“Yer avoidin’ the question.”

“Samu, I love ya, I really do, but there’s no way I can side with you here. But I’ll come to yer funeral and say some really nice words.”

Osamu curses under his breath and unlocks his phone. He slides it across the table to let Rintarou watch the video. His confusion morphs quickly into shock, and he looks up at Osamu with wide eyes. “Kita-san broke up with Tsumu?”

### ENTERING STAGE 3: the sour, depressing realization that you don’t stand a chance.

“Apparently.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs heavily. “I’m not gonna stand a chance, am I?”

“Let me get some more opinions.” He pulls out his own phone and starts typing. There’s a ping on Osamu’s phone shortly after. When he opens the message, he hisses out a breath and kicks Rintarou again.

“That’s the groupchat with Kita-san, Sunarin!”

“Shit, seriously?” Another ping sounds simultaneously from their phone, and Osamu’s eyes drag themselves back to the groupchat. Under Rintarou’s “Would Samu win in a fight against Kita-san?”, Kita had responded with “No <3.” Short, threatening, and remorseless. Osamu melts into his chair and covers his face with his hands.

“I can’t do it, Sunarin.”

“No, there’s no way.”

### ENTERING STAGE 5: skip bargaining, go straight to acceptance. there are no negotiations between peasants and kings.

“He would absolutely demolish me.”

“He would,” Rintarou answers, nodding sagely.

“I’m done for,” Osamu moans, an arm now thrown over his eyes.

“Aran texted a picture of a tombstone and asked what ya want written on it.”

“Aran-kun leaves no survivors, tell him I don’t know.”

“He said ta just let him know before ya have yer fight.”

“Sure thing.” Osamu lifts his arm away and looks at his food. “I don’t feel like eating anythin’.”

“Nuh-uh, we’re gonna finish this delicious meal and then we’re gonna figure out how to protect Tsumu’s dubious honor without gettin’ ya killed.”

“Ya pretend to be such a caring boyfriend, Sunarin, but I know yer in it for the food.”

“Ah, caught me red-handed.” Rintarou smiles cheekily and picks up his chopsticks again, singing, “Thank you for the meal!”

“Yeah, yeah.” At the very least, Rintarou’s antics are enough to pull him out of his funk enough to enjoy the food he’d cooked, mostly as a distraction from the initial shock.

They eat quietly, exchanging parts of their meal as they went, and when they finish, Rintarou takes the dishes to the sink to wash. Before he can start, though, another notification lights up Osamu’s phone.

“Rin, it’s another notification from Tsumu’s Tiktok!”

“What? Wait, I’m coming.” He hurries over, and once he can see the screen Osamu clicks on the notification.

If the first video pulled at his heartstrings, this one slaps him in the face and calls him a gullible fool. Really, he should’ve known better by now. Atsumu, smiling like a child who found their way into the cookie jar, standing with his arm around Kita’s shoulder as the latter, begrudgingly amused, holds up a hand bejewled by a singular ring. The accompanying text says “I have a fiancé :).”

### REENTERING STAGE 2: god you would love nothing more than to wring your twin’s neck.

“Are ya seein’ this shit, Sunarin?” Osamu asks, deceptively calm. Rintarou side-eyes him nervously.

“Samu, ya can’t go ta jail for murderin’ yer brother. That’s not gonna be good for business.”

“No, it wouldn’t.” Osamu watches the video replay. “I can’t murder my twin.”

“No matter how much he deserves it.”

“No matter how much he deserves it,” he parrots. “Kita-san would be devastated to lose his fiancé so soon.”

“Yes, it’s in Kita-san’s best interests that Tsumu is left alive.”

“The absolute nerve of him to propose without telling me.”

“Samu, yer gonna burst a vein. I can see it in yer neck.”

“Don’t remind me,” he hisses, closing Tiktok and opening his messages up. “Rin, who would win in a fight, me or Tsumu?”

“Right now, ya have enough rage ta make up for the entire strength deficit in yer stats.”

“Perfect.” Rintarou looks over his shoulder and watches with an appropriate amount of concern in the pinch of his eyebrows as Osamu types out “I’m gonna beat yer ass next time we meet, be ready.”

Rapid-fire, Atsumu’s typing bubble shows up when Osamu sends his message. He sends back “What did I do???!?!?”

“I was preparin’ my own funeral ‘cause I thought I would hafta fight Kita-san for dumpin’ yer ass, and turns out yer just a wet napkin and forgot ta tell me ya were gonna PROPOSE.” Hit send. Atsumu’s typing bubble appears, then disappears, and appears again.

They receive a simple “Sorry ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ” in response. A calculated effort is made to prevent Osamu from throwing his phone at the wall, which would undoubtedly hurt his walls more than his phone anyway.

### REENTERING STAGE 5: accept that the only payback you’ll be able to execute is on their wedding day. plan for that day well. plan for it as if your entire life culminates to the single most embarrassing moment your brother will ever experience in his life, which is a tall order.

“Rin.” Osamu turns to him with a new fire in his eyes. “We’ve got plans to make. Tsumu’s wedding is gonna be the most embarrassing day of his life, and I’m gonna make sure of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kaumaridevi) \+ [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kaumaridevi)!


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